30 Days of Truth – Day 5

2 11 2010

Something you hope to do in your life… 

Also easy.   I hope to be a mom.  It is my deepest desire.  When I was 23 I had a procedure called a Uterine Artery Embolisation.  I had this because I had a fibroid tumor the size of an orange in my uterus and it wasn’t really IN my uterus or OUTSIDE my uterus…  it went from the inside to the outside.  Meaning if I had surgery to remove it, a hole would have been left in my uterus.  A big one.  It would have healed, of course, but that part of the uterus would have forever been weakened and my lady doctor told me that she’d had two patients who had lost late-term pregnancies who’d had that type of tumor removed and she wasn’t going for three.  If I wanted it removed, then when I got pregnant someday I’d have to find another doctor.  Now I love my doctor, so I wanted to know other options and one of them was a UAE.  Not many had been done, but at that time all of them that had been done in the US had been done by the same Dr. and he happened to be in Philly.  Which is great because I’m pretty much there.   So, long story short, I had the surgery…  it was successful and my tumor is roughly the size of a ping-pong ball down from an orange.  Not bad.   But I will have complications with pregnancy and I will need to deliver by C-Section if and when the time comes.

All that being said…  here I am at 32 childless because we can’t right now.  There’s nowhere in our home to put one.  Our house is TINY.  So, now I’m getting older…  so my risks are going up, at least marginally, each year AND I have the risks the UAE contributed.  So I do fear that my greatest desire to be a mother will never be fulfilled.  

So that’s that.  I’m terrified I’ll never get to be a mom.  I hope… I HOPE…  to be a mother.


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