Apparently I’m a fragile, fragile little girl…

30 03 2011

So I took that personality test that many employers give now upon hiring someone… the DiSC.  It stands for Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientiousness.  My friend had taken it (not because she’s a new hire but because she may be up for promotion) and I found the test online, but not the full results because companies pay big money for this so they don’t really give it out for free.   It was 24 questions of 4 words and you had to pick the one that described you most and then described you least.

I came out with Ultra-low dominance, ultra high influence, slightly high steadiness and ultra-low conscientiousness.   Thanks to my friend having all the possible charts…  I fall into the counselor category.  Which, yeah, I totally get that.  But I found a whole thing about ways people should talk to me and deal with me.   Holy cow.   Um walking on eggshells much?   But as I read them?  They’re dead on.  I’m hugely sensitive.

For instance, no one should talk to me when they’re really angry.  Like about anything.  Not necessarily anything have to do with me specifically.   And yeah…  because when my husband is angry…  as he was last night because his pasta wasn’t coming out right (too much flour) and he was getting frustrated and yelling back in the kitchen…  for the first time I noticed I had balled myself up on the couch with one of my dogs and was watching TV like a deer in headlights.

Oh and I take criticism personally.   Which I TOTALLY do.   It says that discussions with me should always be in dialog form rather than just being “talked to”.   Oh and when I get stressed I get disorganized.  Disorganization in my job causes mistakes and mistakes cause MORE stress which causes more mistakes.   So my new focus at work is to stay collected and not to stress.   I don’t handle mistakes well…  because I don’t handle criticism well…   when I find a mistake I’ve made, I visibly start shaking.

So yeah.   What does this all boil down to?   I feel very sorry for anyone that has to deal with me.  I’m so sensitive.  I guess that makes me a “dish it out but can’t take it” kind of person.  Which sucks.   Although…  in my rants on this blog, they’re usually not directed at one single person.   So there’s that.

I do feel slightly comforted that although I may be completely neurotic…  that there’s actually a category for me that isn’t just “crazy”.   There’s obviously other people like me.  It makes me feel a little less alone and actually, a little more in control.   And it’s going to help me I think.  When my husband was angry last night about his pasta and I noticed my fetal position and death grip on my doggie…  I got the dogs together and we went outside for about 15 minutes.   By the time we came in, his friend had called and he was on the phone while making a 2nd batch of pasta and by the time he hung up he realized his flour mistake… and all was well.   I think it will help me to know this and remove myself from situations that will upset me and cause me stress.

Although, from everything I read??  That means I’ll come out of hiding pretty much 5 days after never…


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9 responses

30 03 2011
~ifer

I am very sensitive, and don’t handle stress well. Like you said, I don’t do well when someone around me is upset, even if they are not upset with me. I feel as though it is somehow my job to make them happy, and because they are not happy, I have therefore failed. Silly, yes, but there you have it. One of the most difficult and important things I have had to learn in my marriage is that if my husband gets upset about a problem, I have to assess if it is my fault, and if not, I have to tell myself (actually say to myself) “it’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself, just let him vent”.
I have to disassociate myself, because carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders… well… it gets tiring after a while.

30 03 2011
Amy

Doesn’t it? And you describe the feeling you have when your husband is angry perfectly. I read that and was like “Yes!! That!” It helped last night to just leave the room and take the dogs outside. His rants never last long and unless I chime in to try to mitigate the situation he doesn’t yell at me. Only when I try to “fix” things does he get mad at me. So yeah, I think I’m going to take a page from your book on the “it’s not your fault” thing.

Now if I could just figure out how to fix work.

30 03 2011
~ifer

Oh God yes, I have learned that lesson too. Just keeping my mouth shut keeps me out of it. If I chime in and try to “fix”, then the frustration spreads from the real problem to my interference as well.

Funny, I never realized other people thought and felt that same way.

30 03 2011
Amy

Well we both know there is at least one other person that feels the same way. I married a wonderful man with a staggeringly short temper who is low on patience. Usually having nothing at all to do with me. I just have this nerf to “make it all better”. Which, when he’s frustrated makes him angrier…at me. So I’m learning. Just keep out of it.

30 03 2011
Jessica

Maybe you exhibit less of your “counselor pattern” on your blog than in real life…

30 03 2011
Amy

Maybe so…. score 1 for blogging anonymously. 😉

30 03 2011
CathiC

Ergh, I hate making mistakes, too. It’s taken me a long time to learn that it’s not the end of the world when I make one (even though it feels like it!). And then I usually make things worse when I try to fix them or apologize for them because I generally blow them way out of proportion. Can I pull up a seat on your counselor’s couch and we can discuss? 🙂

31 03 2011
Amy

Anytime!! Maybe we can help each other!

1 04 2011
CathiC

Sounds like a plan! 🙂

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