Not the relaxing night I’d hoped for.,,

7 06 2011

So tonight I had plans.  Big plans for a relaxing night.  An hour or so of the Phillies game…  which quickly turned into watching SVU since when I turned on the game it was 4 to 1 Phillies losing.   And then at 9,  game 4 of the NBA finals that I’d watch for an hour on the couch and then the rest in bed.  Which, by the way, can you tell me why they put the games on at 8 during the weekend and at 9 during the week??  I think that’s just…  rude.   But anyway,  that was my plan.  I was looking forward to it.

And then?  A crisis.   My dogs like cat litter, it’s gross, but there it is.  And while we keep the box clean…  there’s always something in it bcause I don’t follow my cats with a pooper scoop.  So the bathroom, where the litter is, is open all day when we’re at work.  It’s closed for the couple of hours at night when we’re awake and the dogs are out.  Then it gets opened back up at night when we’re in the bedroom and the dogs are in there with us.

Well, this usually works A-OK with no problems.   Tonight?  Not so much.  My husband left to go running at the park and our one cat let out a mournful meow.  I asked her what was wrong and she came over to be petted, so I thought she just wanted some love.   Then?  She peed on the floor.  Poor thing.   I had that bathroom shut so it was my fault.  I didn’t have the heart to be mad at her.  UNTIL…  I came back into the room armed with a wad of paper towels and she was…  squatting.   I said no no no no and I grabbed her and started to run to the bathroom.  And that’s when she shot diarrhea all down my pant leg.  Y’all, nothing will make me puke faster than being pooped on.  I can hardly wait to be a mom what with the projectile pooping and the atomic diapers.   Anyway…  I tossed the cat down to the floor.  Figuring they always land on their feet and right there in the den I stripped off my pants and undies.  I’ve never undressed so fast.  I was like a horny teen on prom night.  But without the terrible sex and instant regret.

Then disturbed by my yelling and gagging and the dogs running around like idiots, one of my other cats just freaking FLIPPED OUT.  He was arching his back and growling and hissing.   I managed to get the one dog out the back door.  The other dog tried but the Insta-Devil Cat blocked the way.  So the other dog I got into the bedroom but on the way PsychoCat attacked her from behind so she ran into the bedroom howling.   But she was in there…  so all was well.  I just had a crap ton of crap to clean up.   Which, oh my gosh, I do NOT handle well.  At. All.

Then suddenly I heard the dog in the bedroom going buck wild yelping and whining.  So I go in and she’s in her crate backed up to the back of it.  Our bedroom cat – he lives there because Psycho Cat hates him and wants him dead, don’t worry…  our bedroom is HUGE with lots of windows and cable.  He’s a happy cat.   But anyway, so the bedroom cat is standing in the entrance way of the crate…  probably just to say hi to the dog I put in the bedroom because they’re buds…  but my dog was like “OMG CAT!!  YOU’RE ALL EVIL TO ME NOW!!”  and she was just having a frenzied CONNIPTION FIT.  So I got bedroom cat away from Scaredy Dog and shut the crate.  THEN I continued on my endeavor to clean the poop.

I called my husband and was like, “I need you home now.”  He wanted to know what was going on…   I told him that Easygoing Dog was outside, Scaredy Dog was in the crate and might be hurt, Psycho Cat was slowly getting back to normal but was still meowing in that weird, “I’m barely holding my crap together” way that means he’s walking a fine line and Sick Cat was nowhere to be found, could be hurt from me throwing her down and wherever she was, she was probably still pooping.

My husband did another 8/10ths of a mile and came home.  What a guy.  When he got home I had all the crap cleaned up, my pants in a trashbag and down the laundry chute and Psycho Cat was normal.   Scaredy Dog as still in the crate, Laidback Dog was still outside and Sick Cat was still MIA…  and probably still pooping.  Not to mention the house stunk to high heaven.

I’m happy to report that Sick Cat was found and is unhurt and didn’t poop anymore….  Scaredy Dog is unhurt and the only bad side effect is that Psycho Cat and Scaredy Dog are no longer friends.  Which sucks, but we’ll deal.   So after all that I sat down to watch the NBA game that had been on for 20 minutes at that point and promptly spilled my soda all over the power strip where everything is plugged in.   Good times.

I think it’s time for bed.


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11 responses

7 06 2011
thepsychobabble

o.0
I’d be hitting the covers, too!

8 06 2011
Amy

I sleep so soundly. Apparently stress and crisis aids my sleeping…

7 06 2011
Jessica

Ouch. Bad things come in threes…so I think you’re done for like, a year.

8 06 2011
Amy

Let’s hope so!!!

7 06 2011
Chibi Jeebs

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! I can’t even… I have no words! D: I’m SO sorry! O_O

8 06 2011
Amy

Thank you. It was… stressful.

8 06 2011
CathiC

You are a far better woman than I. I would have bolted out the door as soon as the cat peed, yelling “Abandon hope all ye who dare to enter here!” Here’s hoping tonight goes MUCH better!

8 06 2011
Amy

I knew it was either going to be cleaned by me or just sit there and… marinate… until my husband got home. That would not have gone over well. I had to put my big girl panties on… I mean clearly, I had to put SOMETHING on since I was unclothed from the waist down… so since I had to put on something I picked those. 🙂

8 06 2011
Triplezmom

I am so sorry. Massive pity from here. I hope tonight is much more relaxing. Also will be saving this post to read to my kids when they ask for pets again.

8 06 2011
Amy

Then I’m glad I didn’t curse in it. 🙂

8 06 2011
Tracie

OH no!! That is not a good night at ALL!!

I hope tonight is going MUCH better for you!

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